Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
