yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
May the power of my ass compel you!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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