Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
