as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
