is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
