Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
