cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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