Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
me + whiskey = a bad person
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
