I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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