I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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