Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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