I love black thongs
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
