i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
