I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
