i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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