I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize