well I can't set my house on fire every night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
