i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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