ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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