I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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