I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
