am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
