First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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