Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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