i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize