his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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