I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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