Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
