I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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