And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
