The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
