did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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