Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize