Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
