Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
