Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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