I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
