im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
