Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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