She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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