I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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