I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
