My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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