I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
