Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
