new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
