she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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