How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
