tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
barbara walters just said penis...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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