Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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