Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
