haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
