May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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