Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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