i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize