While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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