dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
