Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im part way to drunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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