The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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