If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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