he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i out mim tonsoeep
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