I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize