I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
