I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
