That's intense
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
