I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
