I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
