she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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