He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Terrible idea I love it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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