He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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