Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
