Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
