Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
