It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am naked and annoyed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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