i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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