i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
