dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
