I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
