i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize