It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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