bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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