they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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