Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
