The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
